"Wait, I do like you!" Marriage thoughts on liking (not just loving) each other because there are times you just...don't?
It came as a shock to me that one of the hardest parts of parenting has been...marriage? (Plus, 30 SUPER HELPFUL reader tips on how you're keeping the spark alive!)
A few months ago, Neal and I took a trip to London for Whitney’s wedding—complete with a United points splurge business class upgrade. (I am SO stingy with my points, but I figured it was time to treat ourselves!)
Five nights in a hotel where we slept in and didn’t leave the hotel most days until noon–it was glorious and definitely one of those “Ohh, I remember us! We’re fun! We do like each other!” moments. (We know time away with just the two of us is SO important, but sometimes it’s so hard to make it happen!)
It made me reflect a lot about the “rhythm” of marriage and its ups and downs.
Let me preface this by saying—I believe that the person you choose to have children with is the most life-altering choice you will ever make and that it shouldn’t be taken lightly. Choosing Neal is one of the choices I’m most proud of, like, in life–and I wouldn’t trade the life we’ve built for anything. But all of those things being said…
This shit is not easy!!
I’ve been asked a lot lately for advice on “maintaining your marriage after kids” and “keeping the spark alive” but I’ve avoided discussing this topic publicly (i.e. on Instagram) for two reasons:
Fear of being misconstrued when I say, “marriage is hard for us sometimes,” if I’m being honest. Because I obviously love my husband! I could not be LESS worried about the strength or future of our relationship. I truly have no fears that the ship is ever going to sink, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t go through some choppy waters!
Fear of feeling like a fraud. Seriously! Who am I to be giving marriage advice? While I’m proud of our marriage many days—there are MANY other days I’m definitely not! 😂
Truthfully, I think this is a lot more common than any of us realize. But I was a bit taken aback when I discovered how much higher the relationship hurdles feel once you throw a child into the mix–on the days (that turn into weeks, that can turn into months) where parenting–and life in general–is taking all your energy and you feel like you have nothing left to give.
(To be fair, there were times in our relationship that felt like this before we had June too. It doesn’t just happen to parents. Life is a lot, kids or no kids!)
I think this is an important topic to discuss because it can often seem like everyone else’s marriages (or maybe it’s just me who thinks this?) fall into two buckets: people who have this amazing relationship and great dynamic figured out OR people who totally should’ve never gotten married to begin with, and their relationship is an absolute dumpster fire.
But like—we don’t fall into either of those categories. 😂 I would choose Neal over and over again every day, and some days we are like, “I love you so much, we are getting the hang of this marriage thing,” but that doesn’t mean we have our shit figured out and that we don’t go through periods where we feel like roommates—or worse, roommates who want to kill each other!?
I often beat myself up over that. Do you?
Keep reading for more of my own thoughts, plus 30 amazing tips you all shared for keeping the spark alive. (For context–I started writing this post months ago, so we’ve actually put some of these into practice and can confirm, they are LEGIT 🎉.)