How to make a PRE-partum plan with your partner that sets you up for postpartum success
You have more control over your postpartum experience than society would lead you to believe: Discussions to help you prioritize your own joy and health in motherhood. ♥️
Thanks for reading Notes from Jess. For the best experience, read this post in your browser or the Substack app! I’m so glad you’re here!
I’m often asked, “What’s your best advice for expecting and new moms?” or “I just had a baby and I’m so overwhelmed—help!”
And truly, that’s such a loaded question, there’s no way I could answer it succinctly. (So, naturally, I spent hours and days thinking through it and writing on this topic, which has now turned into a multi-part Substack series.🤪)
When I started this Substack, this was actually the first post I drafted.
In fact, this very topic (the idea that mothers need to set themselves up for success, not just their babies) is what pushed me to start writing here in the first place. That original draft quickly spiraled into parts two and three, and—well, here we are. I have SO many thoughts. (And this post is just the beginning. 😂)
Honestly? It makes me ragey how few resources exist to ensure moms don’t fall through the cracks of postpartum motherhood. (🤬)
There are tons of guides on how to care for a newborn.
There are tons of social media posts talking about how hard motherhood is. Depicting motherhood as the ultimate sacrifice. (Dare I say, glorifying sacrifice?)
But where’s the information on how to make it less hard and more joyful?
Or how to find and lean into your own personal brand of motherhood so it feels easier and natural—rather than anxiety-ridden, full of judgment, comparison, and guilt–not to mention, totally forced? (Why is there not a book on THAT?!)
It’s far too easy to get lost in the upside down of the newborn phase—to stop recognizing yourself, to forget what used to bring you joy.
And of course, I have to acknowledge the role privilege plays—financial stability, paid leave, a supportive partner, family nearby, access to mental healthcare, the ability to hire help… the list goes on.
American mothers are not set up for success. Parenting is a public health crisis in this country. No wonder the Surgeon General issued an advisory on the mental health and well-being of American parents (!!).
That said, privilege doesn’t guarantee a smooth postpartum experience, just like a lack of resources doesn’t mean it will be miserable. Postpartum is deeply personal, and experiences vary wildly. No matter your circumstances, your postpartum experience is valid.
And while you can’t control everything—your birth experience, your baby’s temperament, or a million other factors—you actually have far more control over your postpartum experience than society would lead you to believe.
YES, there are real, tangible steps you can take to set yourself up for success.
Below is my guide to essential conversations you can have with yourself and your partner—conversations that lay the foundation for you, your marriage, and your new family to thrive.
This guide is based on my own lived experience as well as my discussions with hundreds of moms in my DMs, and I’m sharing it in the hopes that it helps other new moms, too.
As always, take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. Only you know what’s right for you. ♥️
And for what it’s worth—this isn’t just for expectant parents. If you’re deep in the trenches of motherhood and need help prioritizing your own joy and health again, this is for you, too.
How to approach this guide:
However feels best to you, but I would recommend opening up a google doc to jot down your individual answers to the following, and have your partner do the same.
Get together to discuss the “as a couple” section, and write those answers down too. Compare your individual answers as well so you’re both very much on the same page with your individual needs!
When you’re done, print out your answers and keep them somewhere handy so they are always top of mind! Make a point to revisit them and refresh them on a regular basis.
(If finances are a little tight but you know this post would be helpful for you, just send me a quick email at hello [at] jesskeys.com—I’d be happy to comp you a one-month subscription, no questions asked. ♥️)