Am I the only one who feels this way about having a second baby? 🫣
Real talk: How I know a "longer" age gap is right for us + some auntie words of wisdom on family timing ♥️
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“So when are you going for a second baby?!”
It seems to be the #1 most common question I get from close friends and complete strangers alike.
I started hearing it just months after having June, and it’s a topic I’m constantly asked to elaborate on—especially by fellow moms who feel pressured, rushed, guilted and isolated in their feelings around when (or if?) to have more kids. (🙋🏻♀️ Hi, same, and I will always validate you! And no, there’s nothing wrong with us, and that’s why you’re reading this post right now!)
Here’s the thing. I get why everyone seems to be in a rush because we are all having kids later these days. Biological clocks don’t stop at anyone else’s convenience. The pressure is on.
At the same time, two things are true for me:
I am confident that I would like two children someday AND
I am EQUALLY, if not MORE confident, that I am NOT a good candidate to have two children close in age.
And I don’t think this is a radical stance? So why is this not more widely accepted or discussed? (Especially in a country that provides literally zero support for parents!? 🤔)
Why is our society as a whole so obsessed with women having more kids? Or having them at a specific cadence? Or having them AT ALL?
Can we just be confident in women knowing how to make the best choices for *themselves*?
Anyway, before I dive into ALL my thoughts on the subject, before we go any further, I feel like I need to preface the rest of this post by saying:
Every age gap is someone’s perfect age gap
My sister Alissa and I in NYC–we are 10.5 years apart and I wouldn’t change a thing. ♥️
I think whatever timing happens for you is the timing that is meant for you.
I definitely don’t want anyone going for two under two to read this and think I’m implying that they are doomed. (IT’S GOING TO BE GREAT!!)
Or for someone else to read this and be like, “that’s not true! That’s not my experience at all!” Please don’t think that I am trying to speak for anyone other than myself.
There are positives and negatives to EVERY sibling situation–age gaps/being one and done, etc.
There are easy phases and hard phases no matter how your family dynamic ends up shaking out. There is no such thing as a BEST age gap situation for everyone.
There is only a best age gap for YOU. Whatever one you have or end up having is the one you were meant to have.
No matter what, it’s going to be wonderful!
Maybe you thought you’d be ready but aren’t.
Maybe you’re more than ready and it’s taking longer than you hoped.
Maybe you wanted multiple kids but now feel solid with one.
Maybe you still aren’t sure.
Or anything in between.
Whatever your situation, just know: there’s no right way to do this. The only “right” way is the one that works for you. So stop putting so much pressure on yourself! ❤️
How I know a longer age gap is the right answer for OUR family:
Despite nearly everyone I know aiming for the 2-2.5 year age gap… if we’re being honest, having two (or more) kids close in age sounds like my personal genre of hell. 🤷🏻♀️
(Not to mention, I know I’ll be a significantly better parent with a longer age gap. And I owe it to June—and any future child—to be the best mom I can possibly be. Societal norms be damned.)
Let me explain…